Flattered by an Agoraphobe

A general description of Agoraphobia is: morbid fear of panic, of having panic symptoms or a panic-attack in a situation perceived to be difficult to escape or extremely embarrassing to get out of (escape from).

It is believed that the general age of onset for the agoraphobic dilemma is between the ages of 20 and 40 and that agoraphobia is more common for females than for males and agoraphobia is believed to represent somewhere around sixty percent of phobias in the US.

This information is provided via the Wikipedia article on Agoraphobia. Now I don't always support Wikipedia as a valid source of information (because ANYONE can write a Wikipedia article) but said article has decent reference links from mental health sites, psychiatric articles, etc.

The article, if you're interested: Agoraphobia article on Wikipedia

One of the reasons I appreciate said article is that it surprised me by listing one possible cause that most people forget to mention: problems in adjustments of spatial orientation. ie: vestibular and visual systems along with proprioception (pro pree oh sep shun - one's own perception of self-space, basically, perception of self and body parts in orientation to space, others, objects, self - mostly self, with body cues on how we are maneouvering around things).

Basically if vestibular functions (sensory balance, keeping balance) are sometimes weak, the individual will start to use visual senses more and if these visual senses aren't what is expected or manageable, in some people, this can cause some panic symptoms.

ie: in a poorly lit area we are semi-familiar with, we know certain objects are supposed to be there but if we can't see them at a certain time due to lighting issues, our visual senses, making up for poor balance/vestibular senses already - will cause a mild (or more powerful, depending on degree) disorientation. Those who are prone to anxiety already may feel this disorientation to a great degree and the senses may become overwhelmed, all told causing a panic attack...

BOOM... an individual now may have fear of a known/familiar area and the body/subconscious remembers this bad panicky feeling, disorientation, etc., thus a person can now become panicky about being in a location.

Note: If this scenario plays out at a number of locations, a person can slowly start to avoid more and more places... even FAMILIAR places. Spatial orientation difficulties don't stay in one location... they are part of the individual experiencing them, so everywhere a person goes...

Hopefully you get the idea...

(within the spatial orientation problem, audio can be included, by the way - an extra and important sense that can become part of the disorientation a person feels)

So there are some biological things involved, too, with many peoples' anxieties, panic attacks and resulting agoraphobia. It's not all completely psychological for some people!

I am not always agoraphobic. I call myself a part-time agoraphobe. I definitely know the "can't-ian" feeling...

• Can't go out
• Can't talk to people
• Can't go to the bank today
• Can't go to the store today
• Can't go to school today
• Can't go to the doctor today
• Can't go to my sister's, brother's, aunt's place, etc
• Can't go out at all...

Can'tian frustrations!

Partly I am "proud" to be a part time Can'tian and Agoraphobic because this gives me a level of understanding into Agoraphobia so that I DO understand other Agoraphobics. The other part of being "proud" to be a part timer is that I can sometimes OVERCOME my agoraphobia. Put these things together and I can sometimes encourage other people to overcome SOME (little steps here, right) of their agoraphobia. Note: The "pride" stops and back-slapping or patting stops at: another agoraphobic gets on the phone/out of the house - because nothing about that was ever about "me."

One thing I can say about overcoming some agoraphobia instances is... it takes the seeming strength and courage of immense heights to break out of certain things your biochemistry, biological (in the case of vestibular problems) systems and inner psychology is trapping you in...

In the case of biological/vestibular-influenced panic/agoraphobia... imagine your brain AND body telling you that in the dark, the room you normally know has steps in a certain place (in the daytime) no longer has steps...your friends and family are saying "Come see me - I am just downstairs, stop being silly - just use the stairs" but everything in your brain and body is saying, "I cannot see the stairs, they are gone, do NOT GO OVER THERE!"

Overcoming this situation, then - will involve plunging into a dark area where your body is fairly logically deducing there are NO STAIRS... you are literally going to step into an area where your mind and body says is devoid of stairs...

So I applaud anyone who can overcome even ONE of these situations! For the average person who does not suffer a panic or agoraphobic disorder, try to think of the given scenario once in a while... it might help you to understand the difficulties agoraphobes or can'tians have to deal with in their lives.

Another small part of being "proud" to be a part time agoraphobe is...

I can jump down the stairs without breaking anything - on occassion. Not always, but sometimes... when the hallway and stairway looks darkest, I can sometimes overcome what my senses are dishing out (panic) and grab for the handrail and start using the steps again. Sometimes it is the steps leading upstairs that are dark... Man, I wish there were an elevator sometimes - but alas, the elevator is a place of phobias, too... a situation for another hub.

:)

If you have followed my hubs/articles and blogging for a little while, you've noticed a long period of time with no new articles or posts (since march). I was battling with Can'tian issues from time to time - great changes going on in my life, home, etc. CHANGE is harsh for those with panic disorder and agoraphobia. Change is not exciting for us (with phobias and anxiety disorders) like it is for most people. Change is not exhilarating for most of those with phobias, it is TERRIFYING!

I have just been emerging from Can'tian issues when lo and behold on a recent weekend, a Sunday... another Can'tian individual picked up the phone... reached from out of her darkness and grabbed my hand so as to keep me upright! I'm sure she did not know the effect, but after she reads this, she will be certain that her hand up was the right action for both of us.

I don't know how many times my sister Can'tian thought about picking up the phone but did not, afraid of the steps that disappeared from her vision - tricks of her mind.

I don't know on which or how many days my sister Can'tian stared at the phone but had the "no, don't, you can't" voice over-ride her thoughts.

What I do know is... Kimberly reached through a darkness on her side of things and called me on a Sunday when I was looking at my daytimer, feeling an overwhelming sensation of "OMG I got out of agoraphobia...now LOOK WHAT EVENTS I booked for my future... I ... maybe I CAN'T do these things."

I was at the verge of going back into Can'tian-hood! This discrepancy comes from an identity/vestibular psychological dissonance/disagreement I have with myself... I don't view myself as others view me (comes from being a recovering addict - everything is "new-sober" to me now...another thing/state of being my sister Can'tian and I share)... but I leap UP the stairs sometimes and DO what other people BELIEVE I CAN DO. Leaping UP the stairs that cannot be seen is equally disorienting as finding your way down a stairway you cannot perceive of properly.

The hand from out of the darkness jerked me upright and pointed me in the right direction... a direction I was headed for but had stopped moving forward toward...

Thanks for reaching through the darkness, Kimberly.

It wasn't a small act.

Perhaps "flattered" isn't quite the right term. Purely surprised is more like it...

I was surprised that, in my absence, there were such worries... Some of the first words Kimberly spoke, "Myth, OMG Thank God you're alive!"

My bad... I should have realized that a long and complete absence like I have initiated for at least a couple of months WOULD garner this sort of worry. I have never been out of contact in this way for so long before (I communicate with Blake, Kimberly and a few others RichieB, etc) on several sites and I was not active at ANY of these places online... again, my bad.

Still I am flattered that Kimberly called and more than appreciate the phone call. That phone call is one more call than my family has made to me this year! :) (addiction-history and family relations are very difficult to mend). Sometimes it-takes-one-to-know-one and similar experiences overcome distance and I am glad, in this case, the distance was navigated.

One thing I forgot to say to Kimberly on Sunday...

Kimberly - I am proud of you for breaking out of your agoraphobia thoughts and phoning me! I don't know what starts and jerks or tears preceeded the call but I know you thought of picking up the phone before Sunday but something stopped you... whatever allowed you to call me over 2000 miles away - especially when you geared yourself to expect some very possible bad news (if I was ill or worse)... was YOU and your management of your agoraphobia!

Congratulations... and thanks! Re-read above if you ever forget what I appreciate about you! Or if your agoraphobia gets bad... remember the feeling of overcoming the bratty stuff your brain and body tell you - 'cos you certainly managed and recently overcame some negatives in order to call me. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Those who don't suffer with panic or other anxiety disorders - or agoraphobia may never understand the significance of one (not small) phone call... but I do - and one gesture like this can be a monumental event. It may provide the example which goes against the vestibular/unreasonable psychological details that those with agoraphobia/anxiety disorders experience.

Keep on fighting this stuff Kimberly!